


White Noise

by lisakodysam



Series: Adam and Steve [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Banter, Drama, Flirting, Hand Job, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Massage, Reach-around, The start of something beautiful, Unresolved Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 09:51:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisakodysam/pseuds/lisakodysam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two men, stranded in the Kodiak where they can't run away from each other, are forced to confront their feelings.  First story in a series exploring the relationship between Commander Shepard and his shuttle pilot.</p><p>Future chapters will have an 'E' rating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Noise

**Author's Note:**

> Hands up, I am a Mass Effect noob who allowed Steve Cortez to get under her skin and needed to write something. Thankfully, I had the help of ME veteran, CCBug, who expertly advised me on canon and corrected this Brit's bumbling attempts at writing Americanese! :D Thank you for all of your help and for not letting me make a complete prat out of myself, as well as persuading me to play ME in the first place!
> 
> To any readers of PAAA: Don't worry, I'm not abandoning it. This little series will be updated occasionally and will have no bearing on PAAA updates.

"Take it easy, Commander. Just take it nice and slow."

His eyes slowly opened, bright lights and disjointed images blurring together in an indistinct haze. Gradually, as his vision resolved, the outline of a person became apparent. Male, dark skin… where was he? Had he blacked out in Purgatory again? Challenged Vega to one sparring session too many?

"Hey," prodded the soft voice from above him. "That's it… don't try to get up. You took a bad hit to the head."

"Steve? That you?" he grunted.

"Uh… yeah. Can you see me? I'm right here."

Shepard blinked several times, bracing his hands on the deck as he realised where they were. In the Kodiak. And it was on its side. "What the hell?"

"Commander, I _told_ you not to get up." Steve's voice was firmer this time, and Shepard was pushed onto his back, Cortez's hands keeping him pinned down. "We had to make an emergency landing, remember? The storm?" Cortez pointed to the viewscreen and Shepard squinted.

"What's that? All I can see is white."

"It's snow, Commander. We're buried."

Despite the fuzziness and disorientation he felt, Shepard snapped straight into commander mode. "EDI. Raise Joker on the Normandy. Tell him to-"

"We don't _have_ EDI," Cortez interposed. "Communications are shot. I've sent out a looped distress signal on an encrypted Alliance carrier, but I don't know if anyone's even getting it."

"What about flares?"

"Been sending them up every fifteen minutes for the last three hours, but we don't have an unlimited amount."

"Three _hours_? How long have I been out?"

"Three hours," Cortez answered simply, taking his hands off Shepard before moving to the console and bending over it. Shepard slowly sat up as Cortez attempted to re-establish communications, receiving nothing but a burst of static for his trouble. The pilot sighed in frustration and leaned forward on the console.

"Well, I'm glad you're up, Commander. The snow and white noise don't make great conversation. I thought about talking to myself, but that's the first sign, isn't it?"

"That you're crazy?" asked Shepard as he unsteadily pushed himself up. "Hell, being a little crazy's a must-have on my crew. You should know that by now, Cortez."

Cortez snorted softly and turned back to Shepard, leaning on the console and crossing his ankles, noting that his commander was on his feet. "And based on _that_ answer, I'd say you're okay."

Shepard nodded as he felt the onset of a headache. "Looks like it. How'd I get knocked out? The impact?"

Cortez's hands tightly gripped the console's edge, as he knew what was coming. "Not exactly, Commander. Uh… it was the weapons locker. It came open and-"

"It came open _again_?" Shepard demanded irascibly. "Didn't we have a conversation about that just last week, Lieutenant? What happened? I take a Revenant to the head?"

"A Geth Spitfire," Cortez replied ruefully, inwardly wincing as he pictured the heavy firearm striking Shepard's head. "Actually, I did fix the lock, as you mentioned."

"And?" asked Shepard as he touched the large scab on the back of his head.

"And… I forgot to lock it," he confessed as Shepard folded his arms, looking none too pleased. "James'll have a field day when he hears about this," he muttered. "I'm sorry, Commander. I should have checked it, we left in a hurry and it's not like I planned on crashing in the first place."

"I guess not," answered Shepard, moving to the console which, thanks to the position of the shuttle, was close to the floor. "What have you done to restore communications?"

"The usual. All the stuff I'm supposed to do, plus a few things I'm not."

"Did you try shunting auxiliary power through the AX-II processors?" asked Shepard.

Cortez frowned. "That's the _last_ thing we should do. In the procedures manual, it-"

"You wanna know something about the procedures manual, Lieutenant? It contains things that are useful if they _work_. I've picked up on a few things that shouldn't work, but sometimes do. Let's give it a shot."

"I get that, Commander," replied Cortez, looking concerned, "but if it goes wrong…"

"Then we're stuck here, with no means of communicating. Just like we are now. Get to it."

Cortez blew out a huff before shrugging his shoulders. "All right. You got it." He again leaned over the console in order to reach the controls, and input the appropriate commands. After a moment, he once again tried to hail the Normandy. "Nothing, Commander. It didn't work."

Shepard also leaned over the console and pointed to a small green light that had previously been unlit. "True, we still can't contact the Normandy, but _they_ can now contact _us_. Keep transmitting the distress call."

A slow smile formed on Steve's face. "Yes, sir!"

Shepard moved across the shuttle and righted one of the bunks which had been upended, and sat upon it, noticing as he did that Cortez was limping as he moved to the neighbouring console.

"What happened to your leg?" he asked in concern, standing again and moving to Cortez's side.

"Oh, I think I twisted the hell out of my ankle," shrugged the lieutenant.

Shepard clasped Cortez's arm, stopping him and looking down at the offending leg. "You sure it's not broken?"

"No, I don't think so. But if James asks, it was busted wide open with bones sticking out and blood and gore all over the place. And I didn't even blink as you fixed it up."

"Sure," muttered Shepard in wry amusement as he released Cortez's arm and returned to the bunk. He watched the lieutenant for a few minutes until he'd sent the distress call and turned back to face his commander. "So," Shepard said nonchalantly. "You and James."

"Me and James," Cortez repeated, looking mildly confused. "What about me and James?"

"Just what is it you guys _do_ down there all day, anyway? Not checking gun cabinet locks, obviously."

Cortez laughed. "Yeah, you're not going to let me forget about _that_ , are you? Well, if we're not saving your or the universe's asses, we're working on the shuttles. Maybe if you graced us with your presence more often, you'd see," he commented with a grin.

Shepard nodded, his face dead straight. "Uh-huh. Working on the shuttles. _Not_ playing strip poker, then?"

"Strip poker?" Cortez's brow furrowed. "Wait… you mean last night? That wasn't strip poker! It- hey! How did you know about that, anyway?"

"EDI," Shepard answered, sitting up straight and bracing his hands against his thighs. "She brought up the security vid on my private terminal and asked if it was an example of a male bonding ritual. I told her I didn't know _what_ it was an example of. Looked like strip poker from where I was sitting." He raised a quizzical eyebrow, and Cortez shook his head, laughing.

"It started off as regular poker, but you know James – his left eye twitches when he's bluffing. I almost had him cleaned out when he threw a hissy fit and challenged me to a 'man's game' – a test of strength."

"And that needed you both to strip to the waist?"

Cortez shrugged. " _He_ seemed to need it. Any excuse to go topless. Can't say it's ever bothered me, though."

"Figures," Shepard remarked, rolling his eyes.

A loud crackle from the console caught their attention, and Cortez immediately spun around, while Shepard got to his feet.

"Joker?" Cortez asked, frantically working the console. "Normandy? Come in! This is Cortez. Shepard and I are stranded. Sending co-ordinates." He paused for a moment as another loud burst of garbled noise came through the console. "Normandy! Come in!"

"Anything?" Shepard asked from behind him.

"Wait, I'm trying something." Cortez's fingers moved in a blur and several loud bursts of static sounded out of the speakers before a reedy, metallic voice punched through the interference.

"Cortez! Are you gzzzzzzzzzzz?"

"Yes! Joker! Did you-"

"Hey, Cortez! If that's you, you're barely zzzzzzzzz! Listen, we got your co-ordinates but we cazzzzzzzz the storm bzzzzzzz tomorrow! Stay putzzzzzz and we'll bzzzzzz-"

Cortez shook his head and slammed his palm against the console in frustration. "Signal lost. Damnit!"

"Take it easy, Lieutenant," Shepard said from over his shoulder, and Cortez turned his head to find his commander right behind him, almost close enough to touch him. "You did well to get through. Sounds like you know a few tricks of your own, Steve."

Warmth tickled Cortez's stomach as he turned his head further back in time to see Shepard move away and return to the bunk. "Discontinue the distress signal," said Shepard as he sat down. "Joker'll figure out that we got the message. It sounds like they'll be picking us up tomorrow, then."

With a silent nod, Cortez did as instructed and paused for a moment before turning back to face the commander. "You called me Steve. Twice, now. Does that mean rank is dropped here?"

"No," Shepard deadpanned. "It means I call you Steve, and _you_ call _me_ Commander."

Cortez slowly nodded, grasping his chin between finger and thumb, a sly smile forming. "So… what would happen if I called you Adam?"

"Just try it, _Steve_ ," Shepard challenged, a hint of amusement in his voice.

Cortez folded his arms and attempted to push his smile down. "Well, _Adam_ , you didn't finish asking about me and James. If it'd been anyone else, I'd have said they were jealous."

He knew it was a bold move, but worth a try. Unfortunately, Shepard reacted just as Steve feared he would.

"So what systems _do_ we have?" the commander asked, standing and moving to the viewscreen, where he looked at the wall of snow that covered it.

Cortez held in a sigh. This is how it had been between them for as long as he could remember. They'd joke around and even flirt a little on occasion, but every time Cortez responded to the flirting, Shepard would immediately clam up.

"We have basic life support but no environmental controls. Which means we can breathe, but we might freeze to death."

Shepard continued to look out of the viewscreen and rubbed his arms, feeling the cold. When he didn't answer, Cortez sighed, his breath visible in front of him, and limped to the bunk before slumping onto it.

Shepard looked over his shoulder and released a quieter sigh of his own. He watched Cortez flex his foot a few times and grimace, while he felt his headache intensifying.

"You should sit down, Commander," Cortez advised. "You might have a mild concussion."

"I'm fine," answered Shepard immediately, an automatic response.

"Okay, then," mumbled Cortez with an exaggerated shrug, looking away from Shepard.

Neither man spoke for several minutes before Shepard moved to the bunk and sat at its edge, a few feet away from Cortez. "How's that ankle holding up?"

"It's _fine_ ," he answered quietly and began to push himself up. "Guess I'd better find some work to do."

"Wait." Shepard reached across and grabbed Cortez's arm before hastily releasing it. Cortez froze, unsure of what to do. Shepard drew back and appeared to quietly curse under his breath before sighing. "Any coffee on board?"

"Of course," answered Cortez, and he again went to stand.

Shepard held a hand up and rose. "No, stay there. You need to rest that ankle. I got it."

Here we go again, thought Cortez as he stared at Shepard's back while he poured the coffee. It seemed they were doomed to forever repeat this pattern: they'd get friendly, they'd laugh, they'd start goofing around and playfully nudging each other or exchanging flirtatious banter. Then, from nowhere, Shepard would abruptly back off.

Aboard the Normandy, they could pretend that it was because the commander had been called away for something, or because someone else was nearby. So, pretend they did. With maddening frequency.

It had been two years since Steve's husband, Robert, had been lost and Steve often wondered if Shepard suspected he wasn't over it yet. While Robert would always be a part of him, and while Steve still missed him and thought about him often, he had now reached the point where he could remember Robert fondly and with tenderness and good humour. There were no more tears, no more anger or regrets. He was ready to take a lover again, maybe even to _love_ again.

He was ready to start _living_ again. And he knew that no one would be happier than Robert to hear that.

Steve knew – well, _thought_ he knew – that there was something between him and Shepard. His commander and friend had been there for him through the worst of his grieving and had helped him come to terms with his loss. Shepard had taken the time to visit the memorial wall on the Citadel with him, and had bought him a few drinks afterwards, ignoring or putting off the numerous calls from the Normandy which demanded his time or attention to some trivial matter.

Since then, they'd become close friends. Shepard, who was not even guaranteed solitude or privacy in his own quarters, sometimes accompanied Steve on routine runabouts in the shuttle, when a new piece of equipment needed to be taken for a test run. Some trips were only scheduled to last half an hour, but Shepard would always find some way to prolong them. Sometimes they'd just shoot the shit or, if time allowed, they'd play poker. On occasion, Shepard was quiet and the flight would be conducted in near-silence. Steve knew that on those particular trips, Shepard needed real solitude and so Steve wouldn't bother him. When they returned to the Normandy, Steve would always find an email from Shepard thanking him, in a roundabout way, for his company.

Those trips were important to Shepard, allowed him to take his mind off things for a short time, and they'd come to mean a lot to Steve, as well. This had been one of those trips: Steve had emailed Shepard to tell him he was planning on testing out the new thermal shield he'd fitted, and would he like to come along?

Within twenty minutes, Shepard was in the shuttle bay, his special case of poker chips and cards in one hand. Once on board, he'd started to set up a game while Steve performed his calibrations. The shuttle pilot had selected a frozen planet in the system they were travelling through, and had planned to enter orbit and make a couple of landings to see how the new shields held up. EDI and Joker had informed Steve of a few storm fronts, but they were nowhere near where he planned to land, and he intended to be in and out quickly, an hour in total, tops.

However, it wasn't until they landed that they'd discovered some unusual qualities to the planet's atmosphere, which appeared to have misled the Normandy's sensors. Before they knew it, a storm was upon them and, despite Steve's attempts to outrun it, it caught up to them, dashing the shuttle against the side of a small mountain.

That had been three hours ago, enough time for the Kodiak to become completely submerged by snow, although Steve had barely noticed, so caught up was he with restoring power, attempts at communication and worrying over Shepard's condition, which was entirely his fault. Why the hell hadn't he locked that weapons cabinet? He'd been too busy with the more exciting thermal shield, that was why.

"Here you go," said Shepard, interrupting his thoughts. The commander passed him a coffee and took a seat beside him. "Let's see what happened," he directed, pointing at Steve's omni-tool.

Cortez shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "Uh, not really much to see. We crashed, I fixed up a few systems, made you comfortable. Nothing exciting."

"Let's see it anyway," insisted Shepard.

Cortez hesitated, and Shepard frowned before a lopsided smile formed on his face. "What are you hiding? Did I really get knocked out by a Geth Spitfire, or was this whole trip part of your master plan to take over the Normandy? _You_ knocked me out, didn't you? Admit it!"

Cortez snapped his fingers. "Damn, you always were too clever for your own good," he joked, taking a sip of coffee.

Shepard smiled back at him before setting his mug aside and activating his own omni-tool. "We're going to see this, whether you like it or not." He entered a few commands and an illuminated screen appeared in front of them, suspended in mid-air.

Immediately, Cortez's face dropped. "Commander," he said in a serious tone. "I don't want you to watch it. Please."

"Why?" Shepard demanded, pausing the playback.

Cortez sighed, appearing stricken, and Shepard watched him in concern. "There's nothing of any use, Commander."

"I'll be the judge of that," Shepard began, before Cortez interrupted.

"No. Sir… there's something I don't want you to see. I… lost my cool for a minute. It's kind of embarrassing. I swear to you there's nothing on the vid that can help our current situation. I've been over it... several times."

Shepard watched him for a moment, considering his plea. "All right." He deactivated his omni-tool and Cortez breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Commander."

A slightly awkward silence followed and both men quietly drank their coffee before Shepard rose, placing his mug down. "I'm going out back. I take it the can's still operational?"

"Sure is," answered Cortez with a thin smile.

Shepard entered the small cubicle and waited until the door had slid closed before putting the lid down on the latrine and taking a seat. He leaned forward, massaging his forehead. He didn't really need to use the latrine, but didn't want Cortez to know how severe his headache was, and needed a time out. As a biotic, Shepard was already prone to headaches, but guessed in this case that Cortez would blame himself, and Shepard didn't want his friend to feel guilty. Steve might not have locked the weapons cabinet, but the crash wasn't his fault.

He sat there for a few minutes and massaged his temples and behind his ears. Dr. Chakwas had recommended these exercises to him and Kaidan, and they helped a little. After a while, he decided he'd better return, in case his lieutenant feared he'd passed out.

As he went to stand, though, something stopped him.

Cortez's reaction when Shepard had tried to play the crash footage had been odd. Steve was not a jumpy or nervous man by nature, yet there had been real panic in his eyes when Shepard had brought the vid screen up. Shepard trusted the man with his life, and didn't doubt his word that there was nothing useful in the footage. But what had spooked him? What had caused him to panic? Steve Cortez _didn't_ panic.

Shepard had to know what was troubling him. He cared about Steve. He was not only a friend, but…

He shook his head to dismiss that thought – as he did so often – re-activated his omni-tool and brought up the footage on a small screen in front of him. Before he played it, however, he entered a command that the sound would be sent to his aural implants only, so it would not be played aloud, but Shepard would still hear it.

The first part of the vid was full of interference, and Shepard attempted to refine the visual without success. After a minute or two, however, it resolved, giving a clear view of the cockpit and staging area.

He could see Steve working the cockpit console and, by the looks of it, ensuring that life support was functioning. Steve then said something:

" _Commander, it looks like-" Steve turned around and his mouth gaped as he spotted his commander on the floor, the open weapons locker and the weighty Geth Spitfire lying next to Shepard's head. He rushed to the commander's side, falling to his knees and conducting a quick examination with his omni-tool. He then brought a hand up to his face, which was covered in Shepard's blood._

" _Shepard's stats on-screen,"_ he spoke aloud, and Shepard watched as his injured self's vital statistics flashed up on a monitor _._

_Cortez leapt to his feet, grabbed Shepard by the armpits and dragged him through to the staging area, where there was more room. He gently laid the commander out and scrambled to the med cabinet, painfully twisting his ankle in his haste. Retrieving a sachet of medi-gel, he knelt down, wincing from the pain, and propped the commander's head up on his knee, tearing open the sachet with his teeth._

" _You're gonna be okay, Shepard," he breathed. "I won't let anything happen to you. Shit! Why didn't I lock it?"_

_Steve bent over Shepard and applied the medi-gel to his wound, one eye on the monitor._

_An alarm sounded, and Cortez's head snapped up. "No! Commander! Come on! Stay with me!"_

Shepard entered a command into his omni-tool, which brought up his vital statistics on a smaller, separate screen. He could see from the readout that his blood pressure had spiked, something which Shepard knew was caused by his implants reacting to trauma.

"Give it a minute, Steve," he urged the floating screen. "It'll settle down."

" _EDI!" Cortez called before remembering that the Kodiak was not in contact with EDI. "Instructions for dangerously high BP!" he commanded the Kodiak's on-board computer._

" _The Kodiak Medical Assistance Program is offline," an emotionless voice reported._

" _God-!" He wriggled away from Shepard and laid the commander's head on the floor before shrugging off his flak jacket, rolling his sleeves up and straddling his commander in readiness to administer CPR in case Shepard's heart stopped._

" _Systolic pressure approaching critical levels," the on-board computer informed him. "Myocardial infarction or cerebral aneurysm imminent-"_

" _What do I do?" demanded Cortez. "How do I bring it down?"_

" _That information is not available."_

" _You can tell me what's wrong with him but not what to do about it?" Cortez shouted at the screen. "Bullshit!" He watched the screen, panting slightly, as the spike increased in size and a red border appeared around the display. A second, more urgent alarm sounded and Cortez swore under his breath, leaning forward and grabbing Shepard by his lapels._

" _You are_ not _going to do this to me!" he yelled. "You're Shepard! Shepard doesn't save the universe only to die from a whack to the head!" He released his grip slightly and brought his face closer to Shepard's. "Don't do this to me," he pleaded. "I'm not going to lose you as well. I can't. Please, God. I can't lose you."_

"Tell him it's because of my implants, you fucking-!" Shepard exclaimed before clamping a hand over his mouth.

_At that moment, the alarm stopped and Cortez stared, his eyes wild, as the spike on the monitor began to shrink. "What? What's happening now?"_

" _Systolic pressure returning to normal levels," the computer informed him. "Subject is no longer at risk of myocardial infarction or cerebral aneurysm."_

" _You sure?" Cortez asked the computer as the colour of the screen changed from red to green. "What about brain functions? His head? Any concerns there? Or can't you tell me_ that _?" he demanded angrily._

_A scan of Shepard's skull and brain appeared. "No anomalies detected," the computer determined._

" _But he's unconscious!"_

" _That is correct."_

_Cortez uttered a word Shepard had never heard him use, before he climbed off Shepard and sat beside him, clutching one of the commander's hands._

" _Then I'll sit right here until he wakes up," said Cortez, his shoulders sagging. He faced Shepard and brought his other hand up, resting it against the commander's face and whispering softly. "Just stay with me, Shepard. I-" His face crumpled momentarily before he firmly shook his head. "No. I'm not going to…._

" _Stay with me," he urged, his thumb stroking Shepard's cheek. "Just stay with me. I'm here for you. Just… don't leave me."_

Shepard deactivated the omni-tool and slumped back, devastated by what he'd seen. He took a minute to gather his thoughts before rising and pressing the flush button, even though he hadn't used the latrine.

Feeling numb, he stepped back into the main body of the shuttle, where he found Steve facing the viewscreen, his back to Shepard.

"You watched it, didn't you?" he guessed, his voice quiet and flat.

"I'm sorry," Shepard replied quietly. "I needed to make sure you were okay."

"Well, I wasn't," answered Cortez tightly, keeping his back to Shepard. "As you saw."

Shepard slowly moved closer, noticing Steve's posture tense as he neared. "That must have brought back some bad memories for you," ventured the commander. "Reminded you of Robert."

"Not really," Cortez sighed. "I wasn't with him when he died, was I? I just…" He shook his head, and Shepard stopped a few feet away from him. "For a second I thought you were… I didn't want to lose someone else. I-I couldn't."

"Look," Shepard said, deliberately softening his voice. "We've lost a lot of friends. I know it's not easy, but this is what we signed up for. We _know_ it's a possibility. I'm not unsympathetic, you know that. But when we lost the others, we had to-"

"You're not _like_ the others," Cortez interrupted firmly, his shoulders rising and falling. "You must know how I feel about you. If not, you're blind. You _watched_ the vid, didn't you?"

Shepard paused, feeling like he'd been kicked in the chest as the air rushed out of his lungs. He wasn't blind. He'd seen the way Cortez looked at him, had picked up on the double entendres and the flirting. He'd even flirted back. And sometimes, Cortez came right out and said what was on his mind. But _feelings_ had never been brought up, not until now.

And now, they were not on the Normandy, where Shepard could make an excuse to duck out. They were in a confined area where there was no escape from each other. From their _feelings_.

Shepard didn't escape – run away – from Steve because he didn't feel the same way. No, the problem was that he _did_. But it wasn't as simple as that, was it?

This _thing_ had just got very real.

"We need to talk," Cortez said, turning back to Shepard just as the commander turned away.

"I'm not good at _talking_. You know that."

"You're good at listening, though," Steve replied, his voice soft. "You've always been there for me."

"As commander of the Normandy, it's part of my job to be there for my crew-"

"No. It's different with us." Cortez placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "You know it is."

Shepard moved away, easing himself from Cortez's touch.

"Why do you keep doing this?" Cortez demanded. "I'm not in the habit of making a fool of myself. If I had any doubts, I'd keep quiet. But I don't. I _know_ you feel the same way I do. Why do you keep pushing me away?"

" _That_ ," said Shepard, pointing at the spot where he'd lain unconscious. "What I just saw on the vid is exactly _why_ I keep pushing you away."

"Why? Because you think I'm not over Robert? You know that's not the case!"

Shepard turned around, his features tight. "No! Because of what we _do_. Because… because today, any day, might be our last. The way you reacted on the vid only proves to me that we _can't_ act on the way we-"

"That is exactly the reason why we _should_ act on it!"

Shepard sighed and pushed a hand through his hair. "I was there, Steve. I saw you grieve for Robert. I won't see you go through that again. Not for me, not for anyone." He swayed slightly and clutched his head as a shard of undiluted pain stabbed into his head. "Goddamnit!"

"Sit down!" Cortez ordered, grabbing Shepard by the arms and steering him to the bunk, where the commander sat down heavily. Cortez sat beside him, keeping one hand on Shepard's arm. "Let me look at that," he said, moving his other hand to the back of Shepard's head.

"It's not the injury," insisted Shepard, not wanting Steve to blame himself. "It's my biotics."

"Biotics. Right. I've never seen you almost _faint_ because of your _biotics_ ," commented Cortez sceptically.

" _Faint?"_ Shepard protested. "Being a little melodramatic, aren't you? Back off!" he commanded, shrugging off the lieutenant's hand as Cortez stroked the back of his head.

"No way!" snapped Cortez, firmly pushing down on Shepard's shoulder. "Now stop squirming, or God help me, I'll fetch that Spitfire and hit you with it for real! Hold still and move over!"

With a groan, Shepard acquiesced and swung his leg over the side of the bunk so he was sitting on its edge, with Cortez behind him.

"Where's the pain?" Cortez asked as Shepard rubbed his eyes.

"All over. My head, my face, my neck… and _you_ are a pain in my ass," he complained.

"There's _never_ any pain if you know what you're doing," Cortez quipped, unable to resist.

"Oh, I walked right into that one, didn't I?" laughed Shepard before tensing slightly as he felt Cortez's hands on the nape of his neck. "Lieutenant… don't."

"You said your neck was hurting. Quit your griping. Just… just let me _do_ something." He moved one hand to the wound on Shepard's head and gently stroked along its edge, causing Shepard to shiver. "This is my fault."

"It was one of those things," Shepard insisted. "Shit happens and we get over it. I don't _need_ a massage, Lieutenant, we need to figure out how we're going to stay warm tonight."

"Are you _flirting_ with me, Commander? Again?"

"No! I-" Shepard stiffened as he realised what he'd said. "Steve…"

"Steve," murmured Cortez as he began to massage Shepard's neck. "That's my name. It sounds good spoken in your voice. It sounds _right_."

The feel of Cortez's hands against his skin caused Shepard's nerve endings to jump and goosebumps formed all over his arms, as though his skin was crying out to be touched. By _Steve_. Steve…

"Steve," he whispered, the lieutenant's firm but tender touch sending his wits and self-control into freefall.

"That's it," replied Cortez, his thumbs pressing down in a circular motion. "Just keep saying my name."

Shepard's entire body began to respond, and before long he felt the inevitable twitching in his pants. He blinked, realising he needed to stop this, and lurched forward, but was stopped as Cortez moved his hands and wrapped his arms tightly around his waist, pulling him close.

"I haven't finished my massage, yet, Adam," he murmured, his warm breath tickling the nape of Shepard's neck.

"Let go of me," said Shepard breathlessly, more of a request than a command. "We can't do this."

"Do you still feel cold?"

"What?"

"Do you feel cold?" Cortez repeated.

"No, I don't, but you-"

"Then I've found a way for us to stay warm. That's what you wanted, isn't it?" He brushed his lips against Shepard's neck, and the other man released an involuntary moan.

"Let me go, Lieutenant," Shepard commanded, his voice unsteady as an internal war broke out between his head and heart. "That's an order."

"So court martial me." Cortez's hands snaked beneath Shepard's vest, his fingers running along the tight contours of Shepard's abdomen. "You want this as much as I do," he whispered before placing a kiss on the back of Shepard's shoulder.

"Damnit, Steve, I-"

Shepard trembled, his words cut short, as one of Cortez's hands moved beneath his waistband. His head swimming, Shepard tried to protest but the only sounds to come out of his mouth were incoherent and rasping. As Steve's hand found his hardness, several dizzying sensations crashed into him all at once, rendering his body limp and useless against the onslaught, his heart soundly trouncing his head.

"I've thought about this so often," Cortez uttered as he took his commander in hand and began to stroke, gently at first until Shepard's turgid flesh tightened and strained in his hand. "I've thought about it in the shuttle bay, in a dark corner of Purgatory, in your quarters…"

He tightened his grip on Shepard and his commander responded, his back arching as he brought his hands up to clasp the back of Cortez's head.

"S-Steve…"

"You like it like that?" asked Cortez. "You want me to slow down?"

"Go harder," grunted Shepard, pushing himself against Steve's hand.

"Yes, Commander," he replied, putting extra pressure into his strokes and Shepard began to move with him, all doubts clearly eliminated from his mind. "You still think we shouldn't be doing this?" Cortez teased. "Because I'll stop if you want me to."

"Shut the hell up," growled Shepard and Cortez laughed as the commander threw his head back and to the side, seeking Steve's mouth. Clumsily, their lips met, their noses butting against the other's, their kisses sloppy and frantic. Shepard tasted of coffee and something else, something rich and earthy, and Steve enthusiastically savoured him.

They had this. Whatever happened afterwards – whether Shepard rejected him or not – they would always have this. Steve would always remember the time he finally broke down Shepard's walls and felt him come undone in his arms.

Steve braced his free hand against Shepard's belly and pulled him hard against himself as Shepard's breathing grew shallow and irregular, Shepard bucking his hips against his touch. Then, Shepard moved one arm down and hurriedly pushed it beneath his pants, tightly gripping Steve's hand and squeezing hard, every breath now accompanied by a strangulated grunt, almost a sob.

"Steve, you-!" he exclaimed, his entire body seizing up as a shattering tremor ripped through him. Cortez felt warm fluid coat his hand and Shepard slumped back against him, gasping for breath.

They were quiet for a minute as Shepard fought to verbalise a response. "Sneaky bastard," he finally panted. "You God-damned sneaky bastard."

Shepard's other hand, which had been clutching Steve's head, slid down and fell limply onto his chest. For a beat, Steve felt a flicker of anxiety; was this to be it? True, he would have this moment forever.

But it wasn't enough, he knew that now. He wanted more than a _moment._

"Shepard?" he ventured. "Uh… Commander." He laughed nervously and slowly began to remove his hand from Shepard's pants, pausing as he didn't know whether it would be polite to wipe his hand inside. "I'm… not sure what to call you, now."

"You call me Commander on board the Normandy," Shepard answered, turning his head back to face Cortez, a bleary smile on his face. "Here… you call me Adam. _Steve._ "

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :-)


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